My brother Steve had a nickname in high school. He was big and strong and played football. He was the Smasher. He had a theme song. We (his devoted fans) roared it from the bleachers every Friday night and it went a little like this:
Here comes the Smasher.
Seek and Destroyer.
Here comes the Smasher.
Maim and Dismember.
Here comes the Smasher.
Kill and Devour.
Roooooar!
I didn't earn it, I promise, but by association some of the other jocks called me Baby Smash. I didn't appreciate it and it definitely didn't help my chances of attracting a boyfriend. To tell the truth, I've held a grudge about all these years. Always hoped I'd get my paybacks. I'm here to tell you that, though it can take a while, all things come full circle eventually. It took 15 years, but finally my brother has gotten all that was coming to him and then some -- in has come in the form of Julian, my brother's baby boy, the Smashingest of all Baby Smashes. He's a menace, I tell you. A twinkling, mischief-making, butterball who specializes in chaos, disorder and mayhem. Don't believe an eight month old is capable? Here's proof. Doesn't he just ooze impishness?
Every time I look at him lately I hear that theme song.
When plotting a demolition: "It's Baby Smasher, Seek and Destroyer."
When tearing apart a bag of tupperware: "It's Baby Smasher, Maim and Dismember."
When leaving teeth marks on his cousin's toys: "It's Baby Smasher, Kill and Devour."
He even growls. I kid you not. Like a little bear cub.
ROOOOOOAAR!!!!