My son goes to a trendy private school. He receives a whole-child, internally-motivated, peaceful-problem-solving, diversity-celebrating, juice-box-and-sweet-treat-free education. We love our little Montessori community, really we do. But sometimes I worry that Isaac, who is developing into a stellar human being with a heart of gold, is missing some of the finer academic points. Take our conversation this evening for example. We dined out tonight at Chili's, which for some reason Isaac refers to as "El Chee-lays" in a fairly convincing Spanish accent. If we were eating in Chile, of course. Anyway, here's what Isaac explained to me:
Isaac: "Mom, you know that crazy French general, Napoleon Dynamite?"
Me: (Cough, sputter, choke) Ummmmmmm.....
Isaac: You know the only thing that guy is famous for?!? Being short!
Me: Uh, are you sure?
Isaac: Well, and he was completely insane and tried to take over the planet. Which isn't allowed. They had to arrest him and put him in a jail all by himself on an island with 1000 guards. I think it was Alcatraz.
Me: Hmmm. Where did you learn about this?
Isaac: Everybody knows it. Also, I heard about it when my class was at the pool for swimming lessons. Alex said he couldn't do something because he is too short and Jovann said that Napoleon was short and he practically took over the world so being short is no excuse for anything. Can I have some of your french fries?
I know I should have corrected him but honestly, I didn't know where to begin. I was baffled, so I defaulted to intitiating a goofy-face-making contest across the chips and salsa. Consequently, my child went to bed tonight with the same Captain Bizarro understanding of world history that he woke up with this morning. And I guess it isn't entirely the fault of the overpriced-crunchy-granola education, is it?