Dear Morning,

I think you should know that I am 98% sure that I am going to break up with you today. After all, you aren't really my type.

I know, I know. This relationship was about trying something new. Doing something different. But Morning, it would really help if you could be less annoying. More easygoing on occasion. I am asking for a little less drama from you, Morning, if we are going to make a go at this for real.

Let's start with the snow.
Just look at what I woke up to this morning:

I know you think it is just hilarious to sneak around before my alarm clock goes off, sprinkling that nasty cold yuck all over things. I'll admit, the first time I woke up to snow on the ground it was kind of nice in its novelty. But we've had four big snows this year now and enough is enough! Not cute anymore, Morning. Now it is just offensive.
Speaking of weather. I bet you thought the 40 mph winds you smacked us with a few days ago were without consequence. I beg to differ! This is the carnage that used to be my trampoline before you
got your hands on it:

And good morning to you, too.

Now let's talk about the car situation. I blame you, Morning, for my dead speedometer, and for the morning a week ago when I locked my keys, phone and wallet in the car -- while it was RUNNING! I had to pull my ragged dignity together long enough to go across the street to borrow the Nice Neighbor's phone. N. Neighbor then got to witness East Coast Cowboy Locksmith lecture me on the value of an extra set of car keys and then charge me 55 dollars for the privilege. How embarrassing, especially after the very same N. Neighbor had a front row seat for the whole chicken incident with Crazy Lady next door.

And while we're on the subject of the chicken incident. What were you thinking, letting the chickens into Crazy Lady's yard? Did you see how she came bursting out her back door, arms pinwheeling in all directions, screeching and wailing like her house was on fire? Sheesh. That's something everyone wants to wake up to. In case you have ever wondered, it is NOT EASY to catch a chicken under the best set of circumstances. Even more difficult with C. Lady caterwauling about her precious garden beds, and at a time of day when I am the slowest and the birds of the world (even backyard fowl) are at their friskiest. Thanks, Morning. That was awesome

And just in case you don't believe me, here's a demonstration of just how hard it is for Isaac (a certified Chicken Whisperer) to catch a chicken who does not want to be caught. It took so long to catch the thing that it wouldn't fit on one video even!

So, Morning. I'm putting you on notice. We may have to think about going our separate ways.

Temporarily Yours,

No comments:

Post a Comment